Accomplishment against a big paycheck


Dear Gaby,

I’ve been working at the same nonprofit for a few years, and it’s starting to stagnate. I’m ready for a change, but haven’t found any other openings in the same community-focused field I’m passionate about. A friend is trying to poach me for a high paying consulting position – something I never thought I would do. Should I take the plunge, knowing it’s not a job I really support or really care about…but I could get a big paycheck?


Dear soul seeker,

Earning money and doing a job you care about shouldn’t be mutually exclusive, but sometimes, unfortunately, they just are. However, nonprofits are often funded (at least partially) by private family foundations and individual donors who have made a lot of money in one area or another – so much so that they can afford to give a lot. Isn’t that great?

There’s no shame in making money, especially if you put it to good use. If you want to keep looking for a mission-oriented job, go for it. If consulting work interests you – or if you simply have bills to pay – nothing wrong with that! You are a smart cookie and will have to be the final decision maker.

With a big heart like yours, it seems like you’ll do great things no matter what road you take.

Dear Gaby,

A friend of mine regularly abuses his partner when we’re all together, and when we’re alone he constantly berates him. It’s really embarrassing but also sad because their partner is awesome. How can I talk about it without hurting our friendship or abstaining and risking complicity in this behavior?


Dear Conflict,

Your friend looks like a real charmer! There’s nothing in the friendship code that says you have to tolerate someone verbally abusing someone else, especially when that person isn’t there to defend themselves.

If you don’t say anything, it will drive you crazy, create resentment and be complicit at the same time, a trifecta of misery. Often when we are hesitant to say something, we are afraid that someone will be angry with us – which allows them to write the narrative. If you think you’re right, and in this case you are, even if they’re upset, you’ve told the truth and the fallout will be what it will be.

Also, you may be afraid that what comes out of your mouth will sound harsh, but it doesn’t have to be. How about, “I noticed you don’t have a lot of good things to say about Punky. Are you still so frustrated with them?” or “You don’t seem to want to be in this relationship anymore… talk to you about it?” or “Are you still so frustrated with Punky or is something else going on with you?” You’ll feel much better after you talk. Nobody’s going to fall apart, I promise. .

Dear Gabby,

Why do people let their dogs lick their mouths? Yes, I’m not a dog, but I think this lets me see this issue clearly. When I see someone allowing this bizarre behavior, it makes me question their common sense and their standards of hygiene. What’s the deal?!


Dear Grossed Out,

The problem is that dogs are the most wonderful creatures that ask for nothing and give everything. Unlike children, they never grow up, never respond, and are always happy to see you. So, therefore, a lot of people enjoy cuddling with their dogs. Admittedly, this is not very hygienic. But on the other hand, I also haven’t heard of many people getting herpes, strep, or mono from their pooches. The good news is that if you don’t want a dog licking your face, you don’t have to!

Dear Gaby appears in the Round Table every Monday. Yes, Gabby is an advice columnist – but not just any advice columnist. Because that would be boring! Gabby combines wisdom and wit. And a pinch of snark. She is by no means a qualified therapist, but has seen and loved many in her time. Her goal is to make you think while she makes you laugh. Gabby welcomes all questions and queries and is only too happy to hear your opinion, no matter how diverging from hers. Write to Gaby at [email protected]


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